A Canadian: An unarmed American with health care.

A Canadian is someone who arrives early and takes the worst seat.

Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To get in the middle!

New national motto: Canada. Mediocre and somewhat proud of it.

Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals. France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant." America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit." Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire." The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"

We're neither fat nor skinny,
we're neither short nor tall,
we're average Canadians
and we hardly care at all!
-- satirical song from the 70's; author forgotten

Q : How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A : None. Canadians don't change light bulbs, we accept them as they are

Q: How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Twelve.Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem,one Francophone to complain that they didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been under represented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it,one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.